Things I don’t really like about my new iPhone:
-I can’t change the amount of time it gives me to “snooze” for my alarms.
-Constantly having to avoid people’s drool as the gawk at it. (because it’s so damn beautiful)
-It doesn’t mark my emails as “read” on anything but the phone itself.
Best things about my new iPhone:
-ALL of the apps are better for the iPhone than they were for the Blackberry.
-NEVER freezes
-makes connecting to wi-fi REALLY easy. (SAVE DATA USAGE ON MY BILL!)
-I almost never have to use my computer anymore. My phone does EVERYTHING.
Things I miss about my Blackberry:
-Umm…
-Talking to my friends with blackberrys in other countries over BBM for free. (But soon I can talk to the ones with iPhones the same way so…)
-I guess we’re back to nothing.
Things I DEFINITELY don’t miss about my Blackberry:
-Ripping the battery out to get it to restart
-Getting emails HOURS after they were sent
-Having to go on the internet because the Facebook app was such a piece of junk.
-Losing pieces of the phone because all of the stupid little screws were broken.
-Ripping the battery out AGAIN, because it’s frozen AGAIN!
Well… I think it’s pretty clear what I’ve decided here. What do you think?
[video]
[video]
You pretend you don’t care,
to avoid being used.
You convince yourself you’re better than them,
so their judgments don’t hurt.
You act like it’s no big deal,
even if you’re hating every minute of it.
When you see a post like this you think,
“goddamn it, another over-emotional teen”.
When I write a post like this I think,
“goddamn it, another over-emotional day”.
Whether you’re reading it or writing it,
it sucks.
But we put each other through it anyway,
so we know we’re not going through it alone.
Still waiting for you to come back…
I’d say I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I’m not. I excel at not giving a crap. Experience has taught me that interest begets expectation, and expectation begets disappointment, so the key to avoiding disappointment is to avoid interest. A equals B equals C or A or whatever. I also don’t have a lot of interest in being a good person or a bad person. From what I can tell, either way, you’re screwed. Bad people are punished by societies laws, and all good people are punished by Murphy’s laws. How fair is that? I mean, you sit here and act like you’ve gotten so far. Well, how far have you gotten? I mean it’s not like this is a corner office with a view, and like everyday you have to find jobs for other people, mostly that are going to be better than yours and that has to suck. I bet they don’t pay you much either. Just making an observation.
-George Lass (Pilot episode - 2003)
Smartphone User Stereotypes
Hello, you can start recording me at any time. Yo, I got something in my... I need some water or something man. I got something in my fuckin, in my teeth. Ready? Alright cool. I'm here for the, fathers and mothers, sisters and brothers. For the guilty, the innocent citizens, and the immigrants. If you, ain't listen you're missin out. Bear witness to the realist style. (I bet they listenin now) If my voice didn't work, but my hands could talk? Would you take the time to see what a deaf man thought? I could be alone and homeless. Hurt won't heal, but my cardboard's signed, so my words are real. Would you stop to drop change? Or stop for a change? Engage in conversation, and exchange names? Or maybe you would listen if my image was a bitch? Big lips and bigger tits show you what real sex is. But? What if, I was picked for grave? Sick for days? Aged to be sick with aids? Would you listen to my story that I swear is touching, Or just, blank stare cause you're scared to touch me? If I'm, Jewish or Christian does it affect your decision to, See past religion and simply listen to wisdom? Would you, really listen to my views on the government If my, raps were democrat and yours are republican? Whether I'm black or white, gay, straight, hermaphrodite, Half the time trash the light and we all act alike. So, pass the mic, don't assist being ignorant, Unclench your fist for a bit and just listen.
-Asher Roth
For some time many of us have wondered who is Jack Shit? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, “you don’t know Jack Shit”. Well, thanks to my efforts you can now respond in an intellectual way. Jack Shit is the only son of Awe Shit who married Oh Shit. In turn Jack Shit married Noe Shit. The couple had 6 children: Holie Shit, Giva Shit, Fulla Shit, Bull Shit and the twins Deep Shit and Dip Shit. Deep Shit married Dumb Shit, a high school drop out. After 15 years, Jack Shit and Noe Shit got divorced and she married Ted Sherlock and become Noe Shit Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Shit married Lota Shit and had a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Shit. Fulla Shit and Giva Shit married the Happens brothers in a double wedding. The newspaper invited everyone to the Shit-Happens wedding. Bull Shit traveled the world and returned home with an italian bride, Pisa Shit. So from now on thanks to my amazing discovery, no one can tell you that you don’t know Jack Shit!
Some doctor on television this morning said that the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.
So I looked around my house to see things I’d started and hadn’t finished. Before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of shhhardonay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of vocka, apockage of Prunglies, tha marinder of botl of Prozic and Valum pscriptins, the res of the Chesescke and a chox of bocolets.
Yu haf no idr who fkin gud I fel.
(via everycage)
There once was a boy who thought he was cool
He had lots of friends when he started high school
Then he met a girl
But he made her hurl
And then she left town to be rid of him
-
Round two came about rather quickly
But this time he decided to be picky
She said “hello”
He responded ”hell no”
It’s okay now she’s with someone way hotter
-
Then one day he got lucky
He met a girl who just wanted to fuck ‘e
He then made the mistake
Fell for feelings you’re supposed to fake
And she left him running and screaming
-
The moral of this story is quite clear
Don’t mess with chicks out of your tier
She made sure you weren’t at the party
You thought all your friends were tardy
Turns out they all partied without you
-
When she tells you things are ‘okay’
Don’t respond with ‘please go away’
She’ll just say “fine”
You’ll continue to whine
Then finally realize that nobody’s listening.
Buy cruelty-free; save lives.
(via everycage)